Vang Vieng

Vang Vieng is famous in the backpacking world for one thing- tubing down a huge river, getting dragged into pubs, and tons of people dying during the adventure.

We visited in 2015- things had calmed down a lot by then. Only 4 pubs were allowed to open each day (down from 12+), and most of the ziplines and stuff over crazy shallow water had been shut down- but the reputation lived on, and the idea of Vang Vieng still pulled in people from around the world.

The town of Vang Vieng itself? It's small, shacky, and full of tourists and cheap bars. We left from Luang Prabang after 3 days of intense drinking bowling (As the bars all close at midnight, but naturally the bowling alley stays open late and serves drinks). The minibus was preceded with a hangover and a few road beers, and there was a profound sense of fear before this bus journey- our previous had been 23 hours from Chiang Mai to Luang Probang, torturously hungover, sweaty, and uncomfortable.Our newest Dutch friend told us his solution to long bus journeys- Sleeping pills, so we followed his advice. Stewie promptly passed out on his chair against the door, I passed out on the floor, and Sean, somehow, was grand. At least, the journey passed quickly- I woke up at our halfway stop, and felt pretty refreshed- Sean was fine, as usual- Stewie.. wasn't. These things hit him like a pile of bricks, and he fell sleeping out the door of the minivan, as piles of bricks do. Our Driver grabbed him and stuck him back in to sleep it off. Except, 4 hours later when we got to Vang Vieng, they still had barely worn off him. We got out of the bus, two of us still half asleep, and began stumbling towards our hostel- and the first thing we found on the street was a little shop, with a cage. And in that cage there was a monkey, a rare monkey, a rattling monkey. And on that monkey there was a monkey, 2 rare monkeys, 2 rattling monkeys.

Fighting, like a scene from a bad movie. It was great. And we didn't appreciate it half enough in our drugged sleepy state.

We got to our hostel, and(to Sean's ire, he wanted to watch more monkey fights) , went straight to bed for another 8 hours to prepare for tubing in the morning. The next morning, we got a feel of the place- The craic is like this- you go to the tube rental place. They give you a big rubber donut. You leave a 10000KP deposit, which you get back if you return the tube before 6pm. You get 5000 back if you return it at all. And they drop you at the river, and wish you luck. And that's it- no directions, no info, just good luck.

So off we went- no phones cos were in a rubber donut on river, money around our necks in waterproof cases, and bags of cans for the river. And it was fucking great. IMagine, floating down a river, in the jungle, in the sun. With a bag of cans and some great lads. A serene happiness took over us, although that might have also been the cans and not been hungover.

After 15 minutes or so serenely floating, we hear the bars up ahead- there's music, shouting, and pure joy is in the air. The staff on the shore throw a plastic bottle with a rope attached to it at us, to drag us in- and the craic is fucking great. Everyone is there for a good time, There's a girl from Meath working behind the bar, giving us free shots for being Irish, it's cheap as can be, there's muddy volleyball, and you never want to leave- and this is only the first bar! But, we're still sober, and aware that people have died on the river after dark, and we had a ton more bars to visit.

The next bar dragged us in the same way, filled us with drink the same way, and was great in the same way.. We spent some time on the dock throwing the rope line to people (And lacking precision, so a few got away). The craic was mighty.. and the bars refused to let you leave easy- there was no goodbye allowed,only more shots. This craic continued in the third bar- having no phones or watches, we could only tell the time by the sun.. and we had no idea how far down the river we'd need to go to get picked up. So naturally, we waited as long as we thought was safely possible, and left in a big group to head back.

Now, our suntime plan wasn't great- one, cos we were steamed as Skinners hams, two, becuase who the fuck tells the time by the sun, and three, cos noone had any idea how long it takes to get back. So after half an hour floating along the river, with the sun quickly setting, a slight worry began to set it on us.. The river apparently splits in 2 further downstream, and gets pretty rapidly rapid-y. So we combined all our rings into a group of about 10, everyone still drunk as fuck, and attempted to come to a decision what to do. 8 people voted to stay on the river long. 2 voted against, me, and this Swedish guy.

Now, let me just say- normally, I'm a fan of democracy. Just not when it works against me. So myself and the Swede say fuck this, and seperate our donuts from the group, and hand paddle to shore. The sun is entirely set at this time, and it's dark. Like. Very dark. Priests socks dark.

The others continue. We're still twisted at this stage, and clambour over some barbed wire with our donuts, and start walking- bear in mind it's pretty much jungle all around us, and our visibility is practically zero. So there we are, wandering through the jungle in our swim shorts and with our donuts, in the dark, in the Laotian Jungle, with no phones, no language skills, and no clue where the fuck we were. So we walked. and we walked more, and we walked some more, until after a good 30 minutes we came to what seemed to be a rice paddy clearing. Luckily, there was a lad there, doing god knows what in a rice paddy in the dark.

Now, I've said it before, and I'll say it again, my Laotian is not and was not fluent. It was nonarticulate and nonexistent, and along with the Swede, we got this man to point us in the direction of a road and a bus. So we began to walk again, feeling confident we'd lost half our deposit, but that we'd make it back. And a good 20 minutes later, we saw a street light. And it was the most beautiful street light we'd ever seen. At this street light, there was a tuk tuk, and this tuk tuk took us back to Vang Vieng, on a high.

After dropping off the donuts, we get half the deposit back, and head to the hostel- and who do we meet but everyone else from the river! Apparently five minutes after we left, a lad stuck his head out of a bush on the shore, at an angle, shone a torch at them, and, like a chicken, said 'tuk tuk?'

Now, Vang Vieng is known for continuing its parties after the tubbing- and bars have free drinks for a full hour, for everyone, at 9. This is the best happy hour deal I have ever heard- and after 10, you get a free Vest with 2 vodka and cokes! Things get quite hazy after this.

I remember going back for money, we tried to get into a night club, we looked for the fighting monkeys again..